Twisted Termina
by French Pop
Summary: Retelling the story by keeping it real! Rated R for language and some potential sexual content. If I get enuff reviews, I'll write more!
1. Theme Song

Twisted Termina  
Before you begin, here's a corny little song for you!  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
Tune: Brady Bunch Theme Song  
This is a story  
Of a blonde-haired bishie.  
Who fights monsters and helps people with their probs.  
He has cool weapons  
And a ve-ry strong sword,  
But re-cen-tly got robbed.  
- - - - - - - - - -  
By a fairy  
Her bro and a Skull Kid  
Who was sporting an ancient and dang-ger-ous mask  
And they have 3 days  
To find this buttwipe  
It's time to kick---some---ass!!  
- - - - - - - -  
So when this fairy and this boy team up to-geth-er  
Killing beasts and gaining super-powers too  
Thanks to the power  
Of an Ocarina  
  
And it's on a game too!  
- - - - - - - - - -  
End song!  
If it was crappy, oh well. It's the best I can do in 2 minutes, dammit! 


	2. Chap 1: Robbed!

Twisted Termina  
  
By: MzCheex  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Story: Have you ever wondered what Zelda 64 II would've been like had it've been a little...different? Would Kafei and Anju REALLY get married? Would Link REALLY stick the Deku Princess in a bottle? Would everything be the same? Maybe, or maybe not! Read on!  
  
Other Stories: If you've played Perfect Dark, check out my stories where I have a character who is a bratty teenaged reporter who is constantly on the move (very funny)!!  
  
Notes: BTW, this goes in order (or the order I feel like it—nyah!)  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Chapter 1: Robbed!  
  
Link was in the middle of a forest in nowhere (or whatever forest links Hyrule and Termina) riding on his pretty red horse Epona. He is holding a poorly drawn map on a fancy parchment-like paper.  
  
The map shows pictures of trees all around the edges, and smack-dap in the middle, was a small "X" reading "You are HERE".  
  
Link: Got-damn, this map is VAGUE!  
  
:::How was he ever going to find his fairy friend this way? Yes, he was on a quest to find Navi but not because he wanted to "reunite with his best friend" but because she had borrowed his issue of Kodomo No Omocha (Kodocha) manga and left without returning it.  
  
Link: That's the LAST time I follow a map that I found in the middle of the woods... (twists and turns the map at all angles)  
  
Suddenly, two strange flashes of light appeared and danced in front of Epona's face, which caused her to let out a loud NEIIIGHHH! She bucked wildly and Link fell of his mare onto the ground unconscious.  
  
A skull kid who was wearing a purple heart-shaped mask with yellow spikes on it crept from behind a tree accompanied by the two strange lights who happened to be fairies.  
  
Skull Kid: You guys did great, he's out cold!  
  
Tael: Good, let's see what he has on im'.  
  
Tatl: .........  
  
The Skull Kid rummaged through Link's item bag (hey, he MUST carry his items in SOMETHING) and came across the most charming musical instrument. A shiny, porcelain, blue ocarina, bearing the Legendary Triforce symbol on its spout.  
  
Skull Kid: (holding the Ocarina into the light) Wow! Look at this!  
  
He blows a little tune.  
  
(dooooo)  
  
Skull Kid: (laughing in delight) Dooo...Dooo...Dooooo...(giggle)  
  
The occupant of La-La Land slowly awakes, shaking his head in pain from the fall.  
  
Link: Ugh! What a migraine!  
  
He sees the Skull Kid playing with his Ocarina.  
  
Link: HEY! Who the heck are you and what the heck are YOU doing with my Ocarina?!?!  
  
Skull Kid: (sweat-drops).........(hides the Ocarina from behind his back) Who, me?  
  
Link: You're the only being here, aren't you? Now gimme my damned Ocarina!!  
  
The Skull Kid jumps on Link's horse to make a get-away. Luckily, Link managed to grab the shin of Epona's hind leg. Not far behind, are the fairies.  
  
Link: (dragging along in the dust) Stop...Stop!! You're not gonna get away with my horse!!!  
  
Sull Kid: Says you! The Skull Kid stabs Link's fingers with the spout of the Ocarina. Link, not being able to take the annoying pain any longer, reluctantly let's go of his mare.  
  
Skull Kid: Hahaha!!  
  
Link can see that they have went into a dark tunnel. Pissed off, he chases after them until he comes into a hole which he falls in.  
  
Link: (landing in a shallow pool of water) Where are you Skull Kid?!  
  
He is perplexed by the sight of the Skull Kid who seems to be sitting on air with the two fairies at his side.  
  
Link: (panting) Now...I'm not going to tell you again...Give...Me...My...SHIT!!  
  
Skull Kid: Geez, such powerful language for a 13 year-old don'tcha think?  
  
Link: ......... (looks round) Where the hell is Epona?!  
  
Skull Kid: Oh, that STOOOPID horse? (raises his right hand to his chest and does the "retard") She ran away before I could call the Elmer's Glue Company.  
  
Link: ......!!!! I'm really pissed now! Gimme my Ocarina!  
  
Skull Kid: "Gimme my Ocarina--"nyah! Gimme, gimme, never GETS. (laughs maniacally)  
  
Link: Ugh! Is THIS face laughing?!  
  
Skull Kid: Hmmm, you're right. Maybe we should change that.  
  
The Skull Kid twirls his fingers and sways his arms. Link is now having the strangest illusion. Before his eyes are giant Mad Deku Scrubs surrounding him. Link tries to run into the darkness of his illusion but can't escape.  
  
Link: ARRRRGHHH!!  
  
Skull Kid: (laughing hysterically) Now THAT'S funny!!  
  
Link: (stumbles to the pool of water and gasps at his reflection) Is...this...me?!?!  
  
The poor (once-human) boy shakes his head at the sight of his self. Link, the Hero Of Time, the holder of the Ocarina Of Time, the only one permitted by the three great Goddesses to wield the Master Sword, was now a Deku Scrub. Link: (shrieks like a little girl) AAAAIIIIEEE!!  
  
Skull Kid: Hmph! I thought it the look was so...YOU. If you don't like it, you can stay that way for all I care!  
  
A boulder-like door opens behind the Skull Kid and he backs away (still floating in mid air) into the tunnel. In a attempt to follow them, poor Link is taunted by the white fairy.  
  
Tatl: Nee-ner, nee-ner, nee-ner!  
  
Link: (trying to swipe the fairy away) Get...away!!  
  
The door slams shut. In a panic, the white fairy rushes to the door only to slam into it.  
  
Tatl: Wha-?! HEY SKULL KID! TAEL! YOU LEFT ME!!! Hellllp!  
  
Link: Ahhh, shaddup!!  
  
Tatl: Great, they left me behind with this little lame-ass over here.  
  
Link: ......It's all your fault anyway so just shut up!!  
  
Tatl: YOU shut up!  
  
Link: No, YOU shut up!  
  
Tatl: YOU shut up!  
  
Link: No you— Fuck you, I don't have time for this bullshit...  
  
He runs towards the door and it surprisingly opens. Tatl who was still behind, flew after him.  
  
Tatl: Hey lame-ass! Don't leave me all alone!!  
  
Deku Link, ignoring her ran with his short, wooden legs until he came to a cliff. On that cliff was the strangest, largest, pink flower, he had ever seen.  
  
Link: Crap! There's nothing here but this super-sized flower!  
  
Tatl: Here, just dive into it and pop out!  
  
Link: Okay—WAIT A MINUTE, there must be some kind of carnivorous best lurking around in the pits of that flower! I'm not falling—AH!  
  
With her small fairy-power, Tatl shoved Link into the hole of the flower. She was sprayed by sawdust from Link's mouth. He popped out of the plant carrying two huge flowers. He used his strength to power himself to the next cliff where there was another flower, and so on. They were now outside another tunnel opening.  
  
Tatl: Hey lame-ass, check out this tree!  
  
Link: Will you stop calling me "lame-ass"?! I have a name, dammit! Man, look AT that tree.  
  
Tatl: Yeah, it's so...ugly...and sad...Oh well, let's go.  
  
The dysfunctional duo continue down the tunnel until they finally see the light. Two large, silver doors close behind him.  
  
In this mysterious new place, he sees a water-wheel, a small stream, and a long wooden ramp. Link and Tatl go up the ramp where there are two wooden doors at the top. He reaches to push the door...  
  
"You've faced a terrible fate, haven't you?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
End Chap. 1  
  
Not bad, eh? Please review and look for the next chappie! 


End file.
